10 Ways to Find the Holy in the Chaos

“Where is the holy in this chaos?” is a question I have been asking myself a lot lately, as the days merge together as one long episode of groundhog day. I look at the numbers come in of positive cases of coronavirus, watch news reports of the latest in science-denying and political divisiveness, feel outraged over police killings of black bodies, and see violence and unrest generally bubbling up as this time becomes just too much for far too many.

And then there is the chaos inside my house. My house… which has become my office, movie theater, library, school, gym, and restaurant. Parenting teenagers who have nowhere to go, sweeping the floors again, trying to focus my own mind on the work that needs to be done - dishes and revolutions.

Where is the holy in this chaos?

My experience is that it comes in breaths and waves. In sunsets, slow walks, and deer sightings. In laughing at prairie dogs, or catching sight of the hummingbird resting on the feeder. In neighborhood social distance happy hours, and protests that actually result in policy change. In moving through the muck together across the screens of zoom meetings and google docs planning for housing for those living on the street, or rights for those who are threatened. Holy is found in those unexpected connections as we walk this uncertain and unstable terrain, together.

In my book Holy Chaos, I set out to ask,

“How do we care for one another across our deep divides?”

“How do we find connection with those with whom we have radical differences?”

“How do we step into the vital world-and-life-shaping-spaces of religion and politics?”

At this moment, these are life and death questions.

Here are ten ways I have found to be important in navigating these spaces:

1. I Still Love You: Getting to the Heart of the Matter

It all comes down to loving one another. This is basic to each major religion. Love God. Love each other. Look past yourself to that which is beyond. And love— truly love- one another. The most basic and the most challenging thing. As we move into new spaces, hold this truth.

2. First Things First: Seeking to Understand

Listen. Learn. Explore what is happening around you. Ask questions, there is so much we don’t understand. Whether it is understanding how viruses spread and are prevented, or health disparities and why people of color are contracting and dying at higher rates than white folx, or how we are all tied up in systemic racism. Learn about where we have come from and why things are the way they are.

3. Rootbound: Taking Time to Think

Think about your own story. Why do you believe what you believe? What influences have shaped your life? What do you value most? Are the daily choices you make aligned with your deepest values? Rather than jumping to conclusions, or rapidly reacting when new situations come your way, step back and think. Put yourself in spaces that support your own growth and learning. Re-pot if necessary.

4. “I Can’t Breathe”: Seeing Fear

How does fear shape your life? How is fear different when you hold power compared to when you feel threatened? What can we learn when we step into spaces that evoke fear? How have you noticed fear during the time of COVID19? Fear of grocery stores or public spaces? Fear when people aren’t wearing masks, or when they are? How does fear shape our willingness to speak out against racism and racist structures? How does fear keep us from engaging in tough conversations? In order to move deeper into real connections, and build better communities- we must build our fear muscles.

5. Embracing Curiosity: Wonder as an Act of Justice

Curiosity actually changes our brain. In a time when we are too often trapped in an information tunnel that confirms we-know-what-we-know, only breaking free and embracing wonder can bring real change. Being curious about another person is a radical act of justice. In cultivating curiosity and digging deeper, our assumptions are challenged and our hearts are changed.

6. Showing Up: Friendship as a Political Act

It’s true. Everything is political. Even friendship. Real change happens in relationships. In getting to know people, hearing their stories, learning what they need to feel loved, and what they need to be free, our world is changed. We have friendships that build us up and provide strength, and friends that challenge us to see the world differently. Friendships across identity lines can change the way we move in the world and can have real political implications. How have your friendships been impacted at this time? What does it look like to show up for someone? How do you feel when someone shows up for you?

7. Broken: Messing Up

It is inevitable. We all do it. We will say the wrong thing or do something hurtful- especially when we move into spaces with people who have different religious, political, or racial backgrounds or views. One of the lingering points of pain connected to our history of slavery and racism is a failure to fully own up to the real and lasting damage. Let’s look honestly about the mistakes we make, or the mistakes that are made in our name- and let's work to make things right. This is hard- but it is worth it.

8. Cultivating Joy: Dance, Regardless

I am already planning the post-COVID-19 dance party! And, while we wait for that- and it will be epic- we must find the little spaces to dance, play, and connect, even with the future feels uncertain, even when this is happening across a screen, or in our own house. Linger in the kitchen, turn off the news and turn on the music, and cook a great meal. Find space to build resilience through practicing joy.

9. Letting Go, Holding On: What About My Family?

This one is hard. It seems like even the most simple things (wearing a mask for goodness sake!) become points of political division. It takes wisdom and discernment to navigate decisions on when to lean into our convictions, and when to let something go. When to stand up for what we believe is right, and when to decide our mental or physical health requires a clear boundary in the fight. We must decide what is ‘worth fighting for’ in a world where everything seems like ‘a fight’. Take time to reflect on this one, and move into these spaces with courage.

10. It Takes a Village: Building Community

As never in my lifetime, my ‘village’ has become a small unit of people who are closest to me. Who is your village at this time? Lean into these friends and let yourself be vulnerable as we navigate this time together. Ask for help when you need it. Drop off gifts or notes of kindness to neighbors or those you know are living alone, or struggling to get through the days. We are surely in this together.

The truth is- these are not one time boxes to check, but ways of being to cultivate. My experience is that the more we practice things like self-reflection, curiosity, navigating fear, leaning into the complex spaces of conflict, practicing joy -even when life is hard-, and letting ourself love and be loved as a neighbor and friend– the more this will become a time of learning, growth, and connection. May it be so.

Check out my book, Holy Chaos: Creating Connection in Divisive Times, for more stories and support for moving into the complexity of this moment.